How Would You Describe Wisdom?


I think to myself how would I describe wisdom if I were asked? I understand how vague that term has become, but still, if I were asked to define what that word means to me, I would say wisdom is the ability to be present. When possible, to try and take a holistic view of a situation and see it from a well-rounded, compassionate perspective without initial judgment.

Of course, there may be, or have been situations in our lives, where we need to trust that what’s happening is dangerous, listen to our innate wisdom and protect ourselves so we can survive. That’s the beauty of inner wisdom, our survival mechanisms, and I, for one, am grateful every day for the wisdom I employed to survive my past.

The times when people have said to me, “you are wise” it was because I was responding to them in a fully present state…

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DVP Interview: Lavaun Heaster and Cheryl Green

  Lavaun Heaster and Cheryl Green record a conversation for the Disability Visibility Project™ at StoryCorps San Francisco on April 22, 2015. In this clip, Lavaun and Cheryl talk about common stereotypes about disability, the invisibility of learning disabilities, and art and disability.

On Gaslighting

This is a good read for many autistics and disabled folks who have lived with family and friends’ gaslighting. Combine ongoing psychological abuse and coercion from a Narcissist Sociopath with the whole theory of mind idea, and you’ll have a sense of what many of us live with and how so many of us have c-ptsd from psychological damage alone (not withstanding physical abuse) . I want to repost this on my blog. Thank you for posting!

Dating Tips for the Feminist Man

I keep having the same conversation over and over.

That thing where someone undermines your perception of reality, and says you’re crazy, or denies that something is happening that is in fact happening?


When people we love and trust do that to us? It really messes with our minds.

Over time, or when it is about important things, this experience of having words deny reality can fundamentally shatter our sense of self-trust and our ability to navigate reality.

“There’s a word for that,” I say, hearing yet another such story from a female friend. “It’s gaslighting.”

Friend says “What’s gaslighting? I’ve never heard of that.”

“It’s when someone undermines your trust in your own perceptions and you feel crazy because your instincts and intuition and sometimes even plain old perceptions are telling you one thing, and words from someone you trust are telling you something different.”

“Oh.” (looks it up).


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The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture

Dating Tips for the Feminist Man

The opposite of masculine rape culture is masculine nurturance culture: men* increasing their capacity to nurture, and becoming whole.

The Ghomeshi trial is back in the news, and it brings violent sexual assault back into people’s minds and daily conversations. Of course violence is wrong, even when the court system for handling it is a disaster. That part seems evident. Triggering, but evident.

But there is a bigger picture here. I am struggling to see the full shape emerging in the pencil rubbing, when only parts are visible at a time.

A meme going around says ‘Rape is about violence, not sex. If someone were to hit you with a spade, you wouldn’t call it gardening.’ And this is true. But it is just the surface of the truth. The depths say something more, something about violence.

Violence is nurturance turned backwards.

These things are connected, they must be connected. Violence and nurturance are two sides of the same coin. I…

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Growing, Older

…PCOS runs in my family. My (late) sister had it, so did my mother and her mother. I have it. In the last couple months, I discovered burlesque performer, Little Bear. Her love of her beard, her pride and comfort in her image speaks to me, someone who struggles with how they look.  At 34 years old, I have a blonde-sable-silvery soft patch of fur gracing my temples and coming down along past my ears just short of my mandibles. I also have some hair beginning on the underside of my chin, that my mother also had, but plucked. For many reasons both cultural and spiritual, the wolf has been a potent personal symbol for me. Deep in my wolf heart, when I am drifting off to sleep, is the one time of day I feel peaceful and safe in the skin I otherwise feel shame in. I do so look forward to reading about Little Bear’s work as a performer, and a PCOS advocate….

F*cking Woman Up And Grow One

16991724_165054490669805_1209901700518959690_o Excuse me, sir, my beard is up HERE.

So, I’ve been putting this story off.

It’s no surprise.  It’s the story.  It’s the first thing – of some form – that strangers and acquaintances (good friends can already quote this fable in their sleep) ask upon seeing me.

Plus, everyone wanted to know my “ah ha!” moment.  “The Moment” when I flipped off the switch of shame.  And until recently, I couldn’t recall one. Until recently.  So here it is: the story of my beard – the how, where, when, and why?

As I referenced in The Boar of Babylon, being fuzzy in my family is par for the course.  So when at 12 my mom was dragging me to the salon on Deer Park Avenue to wax my unibrow? Natch.  Applying Jolens bleach to my upper lip at 13? Natch.  Shaving above the knee by 14? Natch.
But by 15 those…

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the mental health professionals who perpetrate against us (repost from Everything Matters, Beyond Meds) I think a lot about why I can’t work therapeutically with people in the mental illness system. I have found that the same traumatic dynamic comes up with some frequency outside that system too with “healers” of all stripes really…alternative doctors, energy workers, therapists of various sorts, you name it…if they are in the …

Continue reading the mental health professionals who perpetrate against us (repost from Everything Matters, Beyond Meds)

An article by Brandon Williams on the intersections of Autism, DD with HIV/AIDS.

Here is an excerpt-- "I would ask the Doctor if he could get some of the main players I the autism sector to 1) advocate for appropriation sexual health/ HIV information and training that meets the needs of folks with autism and 2) work with the AIDS Bureau to ensure there is an understanding of …

Continue reading An article by Brandon Williams on the intersections of Autism, DD with HIV/AIDS.

5/11 #CripLit Chat: “Crips in Space” Special Issue

Disability Visibility Project

#CripLit Twitter Chat

Publishing Online: “Crips in Space” Special Issue

Thursday, May 11, 2017

4 pm Pacific/ 7 pm Eastern

You are invited to the eighth #CripLit chat co-hosted by novelist Nicola Griffith and Alice Wong of the Disability Visibility Project™. For this Twitter chat we are delighted to have Sam de Leve and The Deaf Poets Society as our guest hosts. From their website:

The Deaf Poets Society is an online literary journal that publishes poetry, prose, cross-genre work, reviews of Deaf or disability-focused books, interviews/miscellany, and art by D/deaf and/or disabled writers and artists. Founded in 2016, our mission is to provide a venue for D/deaf and disability literature and art, as well as to connect readers with established and emerging talent in the field.

This chat will focus on the process of creating a special issue by The Deaf Poets Society, “Crips in Space,” a collection…

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